he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
