Tell her she can't have a vagina
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
