I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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