I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
