Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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