So drunk its hurt
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
