Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
