if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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