; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
