Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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