Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
