dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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