Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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