so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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