Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
