I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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