did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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