wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
