So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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