yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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