How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
there is puke in my bra ... again
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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