What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize