There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize