I must be too annoying 4 u.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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