Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
