Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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