I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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