nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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