apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she looked like the before picture.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All the doctor said was why
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
