Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
