I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
