My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
