A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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