I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
