My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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