I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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