So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
