I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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