Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
