A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We're too hungover to prance.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
