The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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