I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
