Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
