i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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