apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
