I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
