he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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