I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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