I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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