Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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