i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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