Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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