Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
