My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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