she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
