I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
