Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
