Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
