I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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