you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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