$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
