ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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