apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
