I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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