Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
