Your mouth is God's brothel.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
