Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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