While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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