im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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