my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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