drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize