also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
