go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
