Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
