the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
