someone threw a dead crab at me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
