Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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