If i come over, it means nothing
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
