I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
