i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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