I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
