Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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